Reviewing the News

Now that we are one week into 2014, I hope that the newspapers are done re-hashing last year. I usually skip over everything that smacks of 'old news' when I read the news at this time of year. I am pretty sure that I did not miss anything earth-shattering.  I also don't need to be reminded of all the inconsequential stuff that hits the papers as 'news'.

But, when I was reading our local paper called the 'Beacon', I did find some rather interesting items I missed. There on page 2 was a section titles 'Crime Briefs of the Year'.  In all honestly, I did not even see that title at first.

What caught my eye was what I thought must have been a misprint: 'Farting boyfriend causes neighbors to call police'.  Admit it.  You would also think someone had made a typo.  But no.  Seems a woman was yelling "stop" and "no" and the neighbor, apparently thinking she was being hurt, called police.  Turns out the woman was yelling at her boyfriend to stop farting.  Sounds like a scene from one of those idiotic 'guy movies'.

Next I go to page four and see a headline: 'Women tussle over pretzel dip'.  Two women arguing over pretzel dip at Auntie Anne's with a security guard and customers getting hit with nacho cheese.  Same movie, different scene?

And it didn't end there.  Here, in my own community, two men, ages 51 and 45, were playing a game of smacking each other in the genitals.  In what universe did they think this was a good idea?  Surprise, surprise that an argument ensued and a gun was drawn.  Did I mention that they were drinking?

Not to be outdone in the 'weird news' department, the Oakland Press ran an article about weird ordinances.  My favorite has to be the now repealed ordinance from neighboring Rochester that required all people bathing in the public waters in town to have their suits inspected by the local police chief.  That conjures up all sorts of images for modern times. 

Maybe I should have paid more attention during the year.  I am sure I would have had a few more chuckles.