Reviewing the News

Now that we are one week into 2014, I hope that the newspapers are done re-hashing last year. I usually skip over everything that smacks of 'old news' when I read the news at this time of year. I am pretty sure that I did not miss anything earth-shattering.  I also don't need to be reminded of all the inconsequential stuff that hits the papers as 'news'.

But, when I was reading our local paper called the 'Beacon', I did find some rather interesting items I missed. There on page 2 was a section titles 'Crime Briefs of the Year'.  In all honestly, I did not even see that title at first.

What caught my eye was what I thought must have been a misprint: 'Farting boyfriend causes neighbors to call police'.  Admit it.  You would also think someone had made a typo.  But no.  Seems a woman was yelling "stop" and "no" and the neighbor, apparently thinking she was being hurt, called police.  Turns out the woman was yelling at her boyfriend to stop farting.  Sounds like a scene from one of those idiotic 'guy movies'.

Next I go to page four and see a headline: 'Women tussle over pretzel dip'.  Two women arguing over pretzel dip at Auntie Anne's with a security guard and customers getting hit with nacho cheese.  Same movie, different scene?

And it didn't end there.  Here, in my own community, two men, ages 51 and 45, were playing a game of smacking each other in the genitals.  In what universe did they think this was a good idea?  Surprise, surprise that an argument ensued and a gun was drawn.  Did I mention that they were drinking?

Not to be outdone in the 'weird news' department, the Oakland Press ran an article about weird ordinances.  My favorite has to be the now repealed ordinance from neighboring Rochester that required all people bathing in the public waters in town to have their suits inspected by the local police chief.  That conjures up all sorts of images for modern times. 

Maybe I should have paid more attention during the year.  I am sure I would have had a few more chuckles.

Syntax, Grammar, Punctuation, and Getting Your Meaning Across

I do not watch late-night television.  The only thing I am checking at midnight is my eyelids for cracks.  But I do remember seeing a few late-night shows where the host would show newspaper story headlines that were not properly written to convey the correct message.

Instead, some were absolutely hilarious.  'Police Begin Campaign to run down Jaywalkers' or 'Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft '.

Others make you go 'duh' and wonder if anyone actually read the story before it was printed.  'Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash' or 'Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide'.

Whilst reading my morning paper, I saw the following headline: Romeo woman, 102, dies after 83-year marriage.  Guys, you don't die 'after' a marriage.  (OK.  Maybe the stress was enough to do it to someone, just not in this case.)

Your headline makes it appear that, perhaps, the marriage was the cause of death.  You die after an accident or having a heart attack.  A 102-year old woman died.  She was married 83-years.  Her husband is still living.

I know it is a small thing.  I know that newspapers have cut back on staffing.  But I can't tell you how many times I am sitting here, reading my paper (which is what I would be doing right now if only the newspaper person had delivered it), and trying to figure out what the writer was trying to say.  Words are out of place or the punctuation is so garbled that you have to diagram the words to make sense of it.  And then you have to throw a few words and commas out. 

I have a cute little book called 'Eats, Shoots, and Leaves'.  It is all about punctuation.  It is a very entertaining read.

As part of the A - Z Challenge this month, I have discovered many writers.  I have had no trouble making sense of what they write.  I wish I could say the same for the professionals getting paid to do it in the press, whether online or in print.

And speaking of the challenge, if you need a little humor, you might want to check out 'Ermie on the Run'.  Go back to the start of the month to follow her adventure.  I am sure you will enjoy it.

For more funny headlines, check out this site.

Now, I will go out to the curb and check my paper box - Again.  (If there is something wrong with this post, please remember that I am not a professional writer.)

Catching up with the News

This morning my local newspaper printed the wrong puzzle grid for the New York Times crossword puzzle.  I put in the first across answer (well, one that fit), but then realized that there were way too many spaces for the down responses.  I thought it might be some kind of rebus. Moving to the next across clue I saw that the numbers of the entire puzzle did not match the numbers of the clues.  Ugh.  Email sent to paper.

So now I have an extra five or so minutes and thought I would sit here and catch up on the news.

First up:  Detroit.  I must say I was really surprised that the jury in the Kilpatrick trial came back with guilty verdicts.  After the mistrial earlier of Bobby Ferguson, I was sure they would be dead-locked again despite the piles of evidence.  But oh ye of little faith, this jury got it right.

Unfortunately, the City is so far down I am not sure how it can rise from the ashes.  And I doubt that the appointment of a 'dictator' is going to make much of a difference.

Speaking of which:  What a slap in the face to every finance person in the entire state that the Governor found it necessary to go Maryland to find an emergency manager to run the City.  Why did Michigan State University waste everyone's time and money training people in the duties of an EM, even if it was under the old public act?

And to compound this folly, the Detroit News discovers that this 'financial genius' who was appointed has tax liens on his home in Maryland for unpaid taxes that he claims he knew nothing about.  The Governor's office says they vetted the candidate and did not discover this.  As I recall they also said they vetted their appointee to the Detroit Financial Advisory Panel who just happened to have ties to the Kilpatrick Civic Fund, which was cited during the Kilpatrick trial as a sort of slush fund for the former Mayor.  You call that vetting?

My suggestion to the Governor's office:  GOOGLE.

In other news, today is the first day of Spring.  It is 21 degrees outside.  Some guy on the radio says this is due to global warming.  I thought that meant it would be warmer?

And closer to home a 75-year old grandmother was found guilty of murdering her 17-year old grandson.  She shot him six times, in self-defense, even while he was on the phone with 911 bleeding and asking for help.  All the excuses aside, including the drug use of the grandson, and blame being placed on the parents who were in Arizona caring for a daughter with cancer, murder is still Murder.  There doesn't seem to be any 'good' excuse for it.  Another jury seems to get it.

Now, I will get my act together and go off to yoga class.  Yesterday my instructor had me demonstrate Warrior III, telling my fellow students that I go to classes four times a week and it takes lots of practice to do it correctly.  I was so pleased with myself that I was doing it in my kitchen last night while waiting for my coffee to brew.

Hope you have a serene and peaceful first day of Spring.