Somewhere along the way when I was growing up I recall folks talking about waiting to remarry an appropriate length of time after the loss of a spouse. I'm not sure what that time is supposed to be, but I have discovered in developing my family tree that 'time waits for no widow/widower'.
I have been surprised by how fast one remarries and how many times it can happen. When young children were involved, remarriage could occur in a matter of months, if not weeks. And one person in my tree had four husbands.
Necessity drives the lifestyle. Farmers cannot work in the field with young children at home, even if many families live in one house or in close proximity. And women cannot support children without someone to take care of them. The 1800's of the poor and uneducated is way different than what most of us have experienced.
I wonder why it is that modern society looks down on someone who remarries in a short amount of time. I remember movie magazines and newspapers taking Elizabeth Taylor to task when she remarried (Okay, she broke up a marriage, but... ) when she was quoted as saying "Mike's dead and I'm alive".
While most of the time the manner of death is not indicated, when it is stated it is cholera, cancer, pneumonia, the occasional suicide, and one poor man went walking in the woods, got lost and died alone. I think I have no real idea of how hard their lives must have been.
I think we all have to make decisions on what we need to do versus what we want to do more than we realize when you are taking care of others. In the early 1800s there were a few people in my family who lost a spouse with whom they had many children with. They remarried and had many more with the new spouse. The half orphaned children were neglected due to that.
ReplyDeleteThat is a shame that the children would be ignored like that. I have no idea what happened in my family.
DeleteYes, many people remarried, I believe, due to necessity. My grandfather was married twice. He lost his eyesight from faulty dynamite when he was working on making roads. When my grandmom died in 1919, of the 7 children they had, 5 were still at home. Quickly, he got a girl, 16 yrs old, to live at the log cabin( yup my dad was born in a log cabin..how Canadian). And care for him and the kids. He ended up marrying this girl when he was 48 and she was 19. Ick!! They proceeded to have 6 kids. My dad said she was very abusive to him and his 2 brothers but her kids remember her fondly. My mom’s great grandmother was also married twice and had a child with the last name of “Konig” with this man coming to the States in the late 1800s but he changed his name to King. Funny how many lives occur with all these changes. I wonder why your relative married 4 times??
ReplyDeleteHer husbands all died over a ten year period. Ooh. A black widow?
DeleteMy grandmother remarried quickly after my mother's father died, she had no choice in those days(my mother was born in 1919)if she wanted to survive. My mother--in-law remarried right away, very, very soon, but she had a choice, so we aren't sure why. We suspect she already "knew" the man! On the other hand, I had young children when my husband died, and 16 years later I still haven't remarried. The financial need wasn't there thanks to Social Security Survivor's Benefits.
ReplyDeleteI am sure finances had a lot to do with remarrying, especially when they were poor. I've been divorced for more than 25 years and when I was first single, men would tell me that 'no way were they supporting my kids'. Even though I had a good job and was probably better off than they were.
DeleteIt does make our family trees more challenging when you find out how many times they were married and which children belonged to who. I have found, many of the men, remarried soon so that they children would be taken care of. Then he'd wear out that wife - she'd die and he would marry another.
ReplyDeleteWear out the the wife, lol. Yes, men can definitely do that.
DeleteI can't think of anybody in my family or circle of friends who've every remarried following the death of a partner. I guess all comes down to personal circumstances. A thought provoking piece Denise.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell tales here, they might read my blog, lol.
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