Sometimes a Difficult Father's Day

I had a meltdown yesterday morning.  The day started out innocently enough with me heading outside at 7:30 to do some landscaping work.

It was a beautiful morning and by ten o'clock I began wondering where everyone was. I was not hearing any neighborhood sounds other than the birds.   Then I thought that maybe everyone was indoors with Dad. 

That got me to thinking about my own father who passed away in 1980.  He died suddenly at the age of 57.  Way too young to go as far as I was concerned. 

I remember my brother-in- law calling on Christmas Eve morning and asking to speak to my husband.  When he hung up the phone, he told me that my father had a heart attack and was being rushed to the hospital.  My first thought was 'God, please don't let him suffer'. 

We started getting ready to leave, making arrangements for someone to watch our two young children, ages 3 and 2, (I was pregnant with a Dec 27 due date), and before we had even got close to going, we received a call that he had died in the ambulance.  Well God, you could have given him just a little more time.

Christmas that year, along with my parent's December 26 wedding anniversary, was extremely difficult.  Add in a bad snowstorm and my condition and I was not allowed to attend the funeral.

And then there were the strange things that went along with it. 

1.  When my grandfather died, my Godmother was also pregnant.  He was her father and she did not attend his funeral either.

2.  When my father-in-law died seven months earlier, my mother-in-law gave us the wall clock we had given him.  The battery in it stopped working at the precise time my father was pronounced dead.

3.  I was bemoaning the fact that I only had five dessert plate for Christmas dinner, when I needed six.  And then suddenly, there were only five adults for dinner.  I eventually got rid of the plates as though they were some bad omen.

So, there I was on Father's Day reading the paper, with testimonials to the 'Greatest Dads', and all of these thoughts just came rolling through my head.  It probably did not help that I had just written a blog about old songs, including the song 'When October Goes'.  If you did not listen to the lyrics, do so when you are feeling upbeat.  It is a sad song.

And the next thing I knew, the tears were just rolling down.  I got myself together and sat down at this computer to blog and before I did anything I spotted an online story by Marlo Thomas about Father's Day with no Dad to share it with.  Just what I needed.  Tears again.

I miss my Dad.  He was my number one cheerleader and source of support.  He gave me the best gift any Dad ever could:  He loved me unconditionally, always encouraged me in my endeavors, and never criticized.  He worshiped his grandsons and they loved him back.  They were devastated when they lost him. 

I know there are many of you you may also spend both Father's and Mother's Day, and of course Grandparent's Day, with no one to share it with.  They are sometimes 'difficult days'.