Sunday, September 25, 2011

When Insults had Class

I received the following in an email today.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
 When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."   "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."  Oscar Wilde

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill - "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
Winston Churchill, in response - "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one."

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But unfortunately, this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

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