Friday, August 19, 2011

I Smell a Skunk?

I received the following email from my youngest son.  It is too funny not to share:

Yesterday was our two year anniversary in the new home.   I woke up last night at about 3 am with the smell of skunk in our bedroom.   All the windows were closed so I assumed that something must have happened in the yard.   By this morning the smell had filled most of the house.   

When I took the dogs out this morning, Logan was particularly interested in something in the yard.   As soon as Sydney finished doing her business she pulled me over to the edge of the porch.

There it was, a black and white tail under the bush next to the porch.   I immediately thought of the tail I saw in Mom's garage behind the recycle bin many years ago.   I grabbed Sydney and Logan and pulled them inside.   The skunk was either sleeping or dead. 
Neither option is good at 8 am in a suit.   I went back outside with Sydney's leash to do some investigative work.   I started tossing the end of the leash at the tail and legs (that's all I can see) but there was no movement.   Next step, the hose!   One quick blast and I realized he had sprayed his last animal.   Dead! 

My first reaction is "screw it, I'll deal with this later" like any male Hammond would.   But I realized it's going to be 80 degrees and the smell is going to only get worse throughout the day.   Garbage bag in hand I slowly pulled on the tail, praying there would be no movement as I am staring directly into the wrong end. 

Now I could see the whole skunk, or so I thought.   Something wasn't right. Wait, where's the... I leaned over to get a better view and there it was, or wasn't for that matter, the head. IT WAS GONE!!!   And rather neatly removed might I add. 

Utterly perplexed I put the headless skunk into the garbage bag and set it by the curb.   This is a fantastic way to start the day. Could someone have thrown it on the porch as a prank? (did they cut the head off?)  Would another animal do this?   That's even more terrifying. Chupacabra I suspect... Did the skunk get in deep with some other bad skunks? (when you find a headless skunk on the porch nothing is out of the realm of possibility) 

I remained pretty concerned and confused til someone at work recommended I call animal control to see if they have seen this before. Well, they were amazed. The man on the phone called me lucky and was jealous of what I had witnessed.   He acted like I had seen the  Loch Ness monster.   He very calmed told me, I could hear the withheld excitement in his voice, that the ONLY animal in the world that could and would attack and eat a skunk is an owl!!! It is so rare that you almost never hear about it or have any evidence because the owl usually takes it back the nest to FINISH HIM.  (Sorry but when you find a perfectly decapitated animal, Mortal Combat references are bound to arise).  

Yay for me..... When he told me this I immediately thought back to this morning. Almost directly above where the skunk lay was the wooden owl that Mom bought me.

WHERE THE HELL DID YOU BUY THOSE OWLS???!!!!!
There's something for your blog...

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