Saturday, March 27, 2010


I never watch TV news.  Seems to me they spend too much time talking about stuff I care nothing about.  A woman I know says she DVRs  the news and can watch an entire one-hour broadcast in about fifteen minutes.  Me, I read the papers or the online versions of same.  I easily skip over anything I have no interest in or cannot do anything about, and therefore, do not need to know about.  Call me small-minded or selfish, but I do not have an ulcer.

While perusing the online news this morning, I came across a story about a requirement to have sprinkler heads installed in new homes (at a cost of $8000).  I shook my head and moved on to the next craziness about a Catholic School barring the attendance of the children of a lesbian couple.  Enough.  I needed more coffee.

But then I started thinking about what my house would have been like if it had sprinkler heads when my three sons were growing up.  To give you an example of what it was like without them, let me mention a few experiences we had.

There was the water balloon toss in the family room while I was out shopping.  I walked in to 'squish, squish, squish' and had water dripping into the basement.  My oldest insisted it was one balloon.  (Yeah, I believe in the tooth fairy too).  So much for thinking he was old enough not to need a babysitter at all times.  He was also the youngster who thought it was a good idea to keep a frog in his desk drawer.  Right up until it got out and I spotted it hopping across the living room floor.

My middle son thought that swinging his tennis shoe around was cool, right up until the shoelace broke and the show went sailing into the foyer, hit the porcelain dragon, smashed it to bits, and scratched the mirror behind it.

Not to be undone by his older siblings, my youngest loved to argue about anything and everything.  He kept insisting that we had beavers in the creek behind our house and I kept telling him we didn't.  He proudly proclaimed one day that he would prove it to me.  While on the phone with a friend of mine, he waltzed into the family room with our big fishing net and struggling with a very large groundhog, big smile on his face and an 'I told you so'.  ARGHHHH!

Not that he got any better after the age of seven.  Just a few short years ago, in his mid-twenties, he managed to amaze me again.  I came home from work, walked into the kitchen, turned around and walked back into the family room and stared up at my cathedral ceiling.  There, near the peak, was a hole about three inches across.  On a side wall was a smaller hole that looked like someone had put a broomstick through it.  I shook my head and could not imagine what could possibly have happened.  So, I waited.

Eventually he showed up and as soon as I looked at him he said, 'I guess you noticed'.  DUH!  He explained that he lost control of the golf club while practicing his swing.  Don't even bother questioning why this happened.

These are the same boys who dismantled every pull-toy and electronic game to see how they were made.  So, think about having sprinkler heads, three very curious and very bright young boys, and mom out of the house for an hour.  It is truly amazing that I never got an ulcer.

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